Vertroetel je bofh op de achttiende SysAdminDay (of laat hem met rust)

Hier nog een mooi lijstje die ik ooit van het internet geplukt heb (een Read More... functie had fijn geweest):

1. When a tech says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing to us to remember 481 screen saver passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

3. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

4. When tech support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing the public groups.

5. When a tech is eating lunch in his cube, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

6. When a tech tells you that computer monitors don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

7. When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway.

8. When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and then you reboot and it looks okay, don't call tech support. We'd much rather troubleshoot it when it's dead as a doornail.

9. When a tech tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That'll get us going.

10. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it's done.

11. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

12. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the building. One of them is bound to work.

13. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy's outta whack".

14. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for your all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime money.

15. If you're an intern, feel free to bring in all your friends from college and have your Daddy complain to our boss when we won't let them use the scanner. We had no friends when we were in college; that's why we're such a bunch of tight-assed little twerps.

16. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

17. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

18. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?", click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

19. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

20. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call tech support. Due to budget restrictions, we double as 113.

21. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call tech support. We love to hack.

22. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know jack shit about the problem.

23. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We got lots of disk space on that mail server.

24. When your eyes fall on the family pictures on a tech's desk, exclaim in a flabbergasted tone of voice: "YOU have a child?!?" We need to be reminded of how lucky we were to ever have gotten laid.

25. When you bump into a tech at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We don't do weekends.

26. When you see a tech having a beer with a member of the opposite sex on a Friday night, walk right up to them and ask a computer question. We don't do dating; the reason why we have that horny look on our faces is because we're discussing the new Intel processor.

27. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature in NT 4.0; they won't be doing anything useful until the next major release.

28. If you need to buy a computer for your daughter in college, feel free to pick our brains while we're taking a leak. We're good at talking shop with our dicks in our hands.

29. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find the jumper settings on the Internet.

30. When you detect a French accent in a tech's voice, switch to French. We don't mind that your level of fluency is that of a mildly retarded 4-year-old; you don't make a whole lot of sense in your own mother tongue either.

Last but not least: Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this!

[Reactie gewijzigd door D3F op 25 juli 2024 09:32]